


Felix Hates Animal Crossing

by Dragonlingdar



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comfort No Hurt, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Pandemics, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29770728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonlingdar/pseuds/Dragonlingdar
Summary: Felix has time to kill due to needing to quarantine and a popular video game sounded like a good way to do that. Little did he know the frustration that awaited him...
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	Felix Hates Animal Crossing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Euna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Euna/gifts).



> So, I got this prompt from Bumblevetr on their twitter and they were delightfully specific, and this just seemed...fun to write, and as I have been writing Very Serious Things, something this fluffy was necessary. So, here! Fluffy things! Enjoy?
> 
> As always, nothing FE:3H belongs to me.

Felix was not looking forward to a two-week mandatory quarantine after visiting his dipshit of a best friend who had stuck a lightbulb up his ass on a dare and then had to go to the hospital to have it surgically removed; however, considering that no one else was willing to suffer through Sylvain’s idiocy, he had needed to travel and, thus, now had to quarantine. The condo he shared with Dimitri had enough space for him to practice his swordsmanship, but after he had nearly knocked over the urn that held his dumb father’s ashes while practicing a kata, he had to figure out other ways to deal with the extra energy. Considering all the hype that had been circulating social media and whatnot over a  _ video game _ as a way to escape boredom and cabin fever, he figured it was worth at least a shot.

Luckily, Dimitri had the console, even if the ass did make him buy a copy of the game himself since apparently a player was allowed only one island per game and Dimitri was too proud of his own island to let Felix overwrite the file.

It didn’t take long for Felix to become annoyed with the bright colors, cutesy graphics, and quaint music. So, given that he had been  _ patient _ and suffered through four days of simmering frustration to ensure he didn’t manifest symptoms, he broke his quarantine to search out Dimitri; the other man would have  _ some _ insight into ways to make the game less frustrating, as much as he loathed having to ask. He located Dimitri working on their taxes in their kitchen--Felix had no patience for the forms and numbers--and snapped, “Why do you like this?”

“I don’t,” Dimitri said, not looking up from doing the calculations.

“No, I don’t mean the math, I mean the  _ game _ .”

Dimitri looked up, a sharp line of confused concern forming between his eyes as he frowned. “Game?”

Felix held out the Switch, and Dimitri leaned back to look at the screen before his concern shifted to amusement and he said, “I thought you were taking the piss on me when you said you were going to play Animal Crossing, of all games.”

“It’s so fucking dumb!” Felix huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, the Switch held rather precariously with the fingers of one hand. “What’s the  _ point _ ?”

“It’s meant to be relaxing, Felix,” Dimitri said. “The point is...the point is that it’s soothing and chill and cute.”

“There are no weapons except a shitty shovel and even when I hit that dumb toad that keeps giving me furniture as gifts with it, he doesn’t  _ go away _ .”

“Yes, Felix, there are no weapons, although the villagers may eventually choose to leave.”

“Good! I don’t want a stupid  _ toad _ I want--I don’t know. Something fiercer than that. A cat or a wolf, I guess, if anything.” 

“There are options for both of those,” Dimitri said, clearly fighting back laughter, which just deepened Felix’s annoyance. “You might get one to move to your island, you know.”

“...wait, people will just decide to move in? Don’t I get a say in it? It’s  _ my _ island, right? No, wait, it belongs to that Nook guy, doesn’t it?”

“Well, no, you don’t get to choose who decides to move in. It’s supposed to be a pleasant surprise, discovering who your neighbors will be.”

“Well that’s stupid.”

“The RNG is supposed to keep it interesting, so no two islands are exactly the same. There  _ are _ some fan-favorite characters, so if you could choose who lived on your island, there would be a lot more homogeneity, and where is the fun in that?”

“RNG is dumb. The whole premise is dumb. The game is dumb.”

“You don’t have to play it, you know.”

“No! I started it, so now I have to win it.”

“Right,” Dimitri said slowly. “Felix, I hate to break it to you, but…”

“What?”

“Animal Crossing isn't about  _ winning _ .”

“I know there are holidays, there's gotta be at least one where I can fight the other villagers or something, right?”

“No. There isn’t.”

“Well that’s garbage. I can at least defeat the stupid tarantulas once I get strong enough, right? There’s got to be a way to level up no matter the game.”

“Not leveling up in the traditional sense, no,” Dimitri said. “And, ah...no. You’ll never be able to defeat the tarantulas.”

“What kind of bullshit is  _ that _ ?! That thing tried to eat my face! It deserves death!”

“Felix.”

“ _ What _ .”

“Do you want me to help you?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Of course,” Dimitri said. “I’m fairly healthy and you were careful when you traveled, so why don’t you move out of the guest room and into the living room here and whenever you encounter something that frustrates you, you can yell out and I’ll try to help.”

“I don’t need your  _ help _ , Boar,” Felix half-snarled, but walked over to their couch and promptly flopped down on it. He caught Dimitri’s chuckle, however, which made him grumble in wordless discontent and scowl at the screen of the video game console. “And you stay over there, Boar. Just because I was careful doesn’t mean I’m not...fuck, what’s the word?”

“Asymptomatic,” Dimitri supplied, turning his attention back to their taxes.

_ What kind of game doesn’t have a way to  _ win _?  _ Felix thought as he reluctantly started to tend to his island.  _ What’s the goddamn point, then? _

“How long do I have to live in a tent? Annette has been sending me pictures of her home nonstop since I told her I started an island,” Felix called out as his avatar once again passed his blue tent in the never-ending loop that was his island. 

“....how long have you been playing?” Dimitri asked cautiously.

“I dunno, long enough.”

There was a pained pause before Dimitri said: “Felix, have you spoken to Tom Nook?”

“Of course,” Felix said. “That guy’s a shady jerk. Who just lends you money with flexible payments and no interest? He’s got a scam going, I know it, and I don’t want to lose the game and get kicked off my island because I’m late on my payments or some bullshit. You  _ know _ there’s something devious going on in that bloated head of his.”

“Oh my god, Felix,” Dimitri said in something between a laugh and a groan. 

“I mean, his bullshit Nook Miles are absolute garbage, at least I didn't owe him money at the start, he couldn’t kick me off. And how do you earn miles by  _ fishing _ ?”

The fishing mechanic was almost rage-inducing; Felix had yet to successfully catch a single one. He wasn’t sure why he continued to play the game, except for maybe the fact that at least his frustration at being stuck inside had an outlet now.

“Okay, I admit that Nook Miles are a bit of a hassle,” Dimitri agreed. “But it’s not that difficult to get out of debt. I can show you ways to earn money so then maybe you’ll let me, Annette, Mercedes, and Ingrid visit your island.”

“Mercedes already did,” Felix grumbled. “She’s why there’s  _ flowers _ everywhere. I’m drowning in them.”

Dimitri chuckled. “Yes, that sounds a lot like what she did when she visited my island. Do you know the turnip trick?”

“I read about it online and attempted it, but all my turnips just rot so why the fuck would I keep wasting money on them. At least fruit sells pretty well and--what the  _ actual fuck?! _ What the--Boar, why are there wasps and why are they--what the hell?! Why does my character have bandages on now?!”

Dimitri coughed in a shitty attempt to hide a laugh, and Felix barely resisted the urge to throw the Switch across the room at him.

“Yes, sometimes when you shake trees you’ll dislodge wasps,” Dimitri said, good humor still thick in his voice. 

“Tell me I can purchase pesticide and just murder the fuckers.”

“No, the Nook Store doesn’t carry pesticide.”

“They have a store?”

“...Felix, how the  _ hell _ have you been playing?”

“Shut up,” Felix snapped and, in the game, he hit the only other villager on his island, some kind of pig, repeatedly on the head with the net to vent a little of his frustrations. There was an odd kind of pleasure in seeing its stunned face each time he did so. “Why is everything in this game so  _ tedious _ ? There has to be a better, faster way of harvesting the fruit. When I cut down the trees, the fruits just disappear instead of dropping to the ground and  _ staying _ like they should, and then it takes time for new trees to grow, like--how do people find this relaxing? Why is it so popul-- _ again _ . My stupid axe broke again and--is that a scorpion? What the fuck!? Wait, why am I back in my house? Did the thing  _ kill me _ ? Did I lose the game?”

Dimitri could no longer hold back and burst out laughing.

“It’s not  _ funny _ ,” Felix snarled. 

“I will risk getting sick to see your island in person,” Dimitri said and set aside the pencil he had been using, stood, and walked over to the couch. 

“Wait, no, you  _ moron _ \--” Felix started, but Dimitri simply physically picked him up, then laid down on the couch, maneuvering Felix so his (Felix’s) head was resting on Dimitri’s chest. Felix hated how the position soothed his irritation with the game slightly. 

“I’ll be fine, Felix, I know you were careful,” Dimitri almost  _ purred _ in his ear as his hands covered Felix’s own and changed how Felix positioned the Switch so the other man could also see. 

“I’m not taking care of you if you get sick,” Felix growled, which made Dimitri perversely  _ chuckle _ . 

Dimitri’s thumb rested on top of his and they moved his villager about his island, Dimitri shaking his head and sighing with some sort of weird affection every now and then. “Don’t you know anything about terraforming your island?”

“Terra-whatting? Is that something to do with pottery?”

“That is terracotta and, no, it doesn’t,” Dimitri said. “Oh my god, Felix, you have so many  _ weeds _ .”

“So? Who the fuck cares about we--what did you just do,” Felix said as he watched Dimitri use the slingshot to knock one of the weird floating presents out of the sky  _ and _ had it land safely in front of him.

“Hm?” Dimitri asked as he opened the present to discover that a random DIY recipe was in the balloon-carried package. “Surely you knew to do that.”

“They always get eaten by the river or the stupid flowers Mercedes planted whenever I shoot them down!” Felix protested. “What’s a pitfall seed?”

“I assume you’ve accidentally randomly fallen in hidden holes?”

“I don’t understand how falling down a hole just makes you flail uselessly while wasps leave you covered in bandages.”

Dimitri chuckled slightly. “I assume they are rather shallow and more an inconvenience than an actual danger.”

Felix let Dimitri continue to explore his island for a while, feeling a bit drowsy due to how comfortable Dimitri was as a pillow--it was a  _ pleasure _ watching him use their home gym, although Felix would never tell Dimitri such--then asked, “So what’s the deal with the white dog who invades my in-game dreams sometimes? He’s popular online for music, but it’s all garbage compared to what Annette composes. Is there a way to import music?”

“I believe Annette has created music for the islands that you can use in game, why don’t you ask her for screenshots or the like?” Dimitri said. “I’m sure she’d be glad to share.”

“That’s at least one good thing about the game, then, I guess,” Felix grumbled. “Hey, no! No making deals with the devil!” Felix said, but Dimitri lifted the Switch out of Felix’s arm length and agreed to Nook’s shady loan to build him a house. 

“I’ll show you how to pay down your debt in no time, I promise,” Dimitri said. “Now, you’ve been on the Switch long enough, let me play. I’ve already finished your taxes. Say thank you, Felix.”

“Thank you, Boar,” Felix grumbled.

“Save your game, retrieve my cartridge, and then come back so I can show you how the game is  _ supposed _ to be played,” Dimitri said and lowered the Switch back into Felix’s reach.

“Fine. Whatever,” Felix muttered as he grudgingly saved the game and took out his cartridge. An idea slowly formed as he slid off Dimitri’s body to head to their cabinet that held Dimitri’s games.

He could make pitfall seeds.

He could visit his friends’ islands and if they were ‘friends’ in the game, he could dig holes and leave things behind, like how Mercedes left a metric fuckton of flowers for him on his island.

Felix smirked as he picked out Dimitri’s cartridge case from the cabinet and replaced his cartridge in the case it belonged in. Once he had enough materials...the Boar wouldn’t be able to take a step on his island without falling down a hole.

Perhaps the dumb game could be fun after all.


End file.
